Today I suddenly realized the idea of 'losing face' to me is not simply just lose face, but like on a really really extreme severe scale of shame.
I was shooting my 3p's (3 positions 50m smallbore, prone, standing, kneeling positions) elimination round today. Maybe it's been a while since I'd shot on the Suis Ascor target machines... I just didn't notice the zeroing and I started my prone score shots before they were properly zeroed. Started off horribly, way worse than my usual. Prone's supposed to be the easiest of all... Anyway, then it crossed my mine that I was rushing because I was ashamed of shooting so badly.
Like, please. I knew my scores won't be good enough for anyone to care in the first place. Why do I feel this way!?
Then I thought about it, I feel really ashamed of my photoworks too. Someone help meeeeeee. Arghhh. WHYYY just WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Alright, actually, I don't know if I'm ashamed or just sorta confused.
Sighs. I don't even make sense now I read through what I just typed. Nevermind.
Oh yeah, I made it into the qualification round tomorrow. I'm so fucking tired, I haven't shot so much in consecutive days for years since our Shanghai training trips. *drops dead*