Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Today I suddenly realized the idea of 'losing face' to me is not simply just lose face, but like on a really really extreme severe scale of shame.

I was shooting my 3p's (3 positions 50m smallbore, prone, standing, kneeling positions) elimination round today. Maybe it's been a while since I'd shot on the Suis Ascor target machines... I just didn't notice the zeroing and I started my prone score shots before they were properly zeroed. Started off horribly, way worse than my usual. Prone's supposed to be the easiest of all... Anyway, then it crossed my mine that I was rushing because I was ashamed of shooting so badly.

Like, please. I knew my scores won't be good enough for anyone to care in the first place. Why do I feel this way!?

Then I thought about it, I feel really ashamed of my photoworks too. Someone help meeeeeee. Arghhh. WHYYY just WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Alright, actually, I don't know if I'm ashamed or just sorta confused.

Sighs. I don't even make sense now I read through what I just typed. Nevermind.

Oh yeah, I made it into the qualification round tomorrow. I'm so fucking tired, I haven't shot so much in consecutive days for years since our Shanghai training trips. *drops dead*

5 comments :

bule said...

Dear Jingna.
You made very nice photos. I looked at it with plasure. I wish you good lack and wait new ones.

The Shaddo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Shaddo said...

Jingna:
Maybe you feel the way you do because you are always sooo good at everything you do that when you are "off" the pace you forget you are human too. Just forgive yourself and keep going. The world will not care tomorrow what your score was... But you will be happy knowing you did your best for that day...
Enough babble... i just wanted to say that I adore your latest photos and i am glad you are keeping the blogs coming... Always remember that you are luv'd by those who truely know and admire you!... Carry On!

The Shaddo

Anonymous said...

I think this is a case where you might be more willing to face yourself if you know that you have not tried your best at a task, which you later fail at.

The alternative of trying your very best in a task and then failing, forces you to admit to yourself that perhaps there is something lacking in your abilities.

You can probably overcome this by facing it head-on - acknowledge that there are worse things in life than failure in whatever you're doing now, and just do your best in whatever you do at this moment.

Even if you fail at winning a competition, or even just failing to reach your own targets, so what? Life goes on. What really matters is that you have tried and you have enriched your life.

arisu said...

i think you're being silly.