Friday, June 29, 2007

Was on the topic with a friend today. Not so much about earning, but more on lending and getting back, the relationships with people.

Here's my story.

Long ago when I was young (and naive), once, I had a friend, A, who needed to borrow $300 from me urgently. He promised he'd return the next day, and he did. I felt a little uneasy about it at first but I lent it to him because I felt like I could trust him.

Some months later, another friend, B, wanted to borrow money from me (A had nothing to do with this, and doesn't know B). I'd known him for about 4 years at that time, though not acquaintances, we were not that close, but I considered us friends to a degree. He wanted to borrow $1500 and back then, I had only a little more than $2000 in my savings. I counted on the friendship and trust, believing if one person would return (like A did) then everyone would.

For precautions anyway I made a photocopy of his IC and had him sign an IOU slip. He promised to return the full amount a month later.

First I received a bounced check, then more delays, eventually a change in phone number.

I went to the address on his IC but he didn't live with his family, they wouldn't help me chase the money back and said that it didn't matter to them whether I went to the police or not. It went on for more than half a year between my flying around and what nots.

The feeling of betrayed trust was nothing new, but it still hurt especially when it comes to losing almost everything you spent years saving up.
(Yes unlike you'd probably like to imagine, I wasn't born into a life served on silver platter.)

Frustrated, cheated, lost and heartbroken, I stopped pursuing and never filed a claim. It was both too late and pretty much meaningless. I never spoke of it much except for the friend who witnessed me lending B the money that day, and some close friends when I was so upset over the case.

Today it was brought up again because as much as I hate it, I'd rather advice my friends against lending than seeing the price of false friendships costing so. I mean, my stepdad never returned my mum the money he borrowed from her for years even when they were married, talk about friends? Pft~

Anyway I'm just ranting and blabbering away. Do what you want, but know that every person you owe feels hurt beyond just the monetary values~


Eric said...

I was just browsing through deviantART, and I saw some of your work. I just wanted to say that I find your works very well done. I enjoyed them.

I also applaud your taste in literature.

Oh, my blog is actually a xanga, should you be concerned with my

Anonymous said...


Sometimes we labelled people with 'friends', 'family', 'lovers'....and we mistakelly expect that they must behave in such and such way, say it be caring and such, or fool ourself to still trust them when the reality say no to....that's the root of all disappointment and sour.

I am still learning to treat everyone as a 'person' rather named them buddies or whatsoever, to do that give me some space to think objectively when i need to make the decision. Well, in my case of career choice, if i see is as 'helping my dad's business', then i will ignore my own needs as an esthetician to fit his expectation from me. But when see my 'dad' as a person (the emotion link breaks), I know that in the long run it is not a wise choice to giveup what i dear so much and force myself to work in such a stressful envirnoment

it doesn't mean that we have to hide our emotions or shldn't express our love, but it shld apply when it is need.

you agree?

Anonymous said...

Oh, and I am Phyllis :)

LJY said...

Good advice too. Life's a lot easier when you don't owe or have to worry about returns.

It's not just that you save hurting people, you save on all the trouble of chasing.. of settling debts (of any kind- not just money), of people having anything to hold against you and best of all, you save on creating an unease in relationships. =) It's just not worth it. I've adopted a don't owe don't lend policy since forever. x)