Sunday, May 31, 2009

       

Isolation

I feel a strong need to distance myself from people (sometimes), lately.

I'm afraid to talk about myself, about my problems, about anything. Because the moment it leaves my mouth you cannot refrain from exercising your freedom of speech and whatever rights you think you deserve to judge me, criticize me, belittle me. Which by all means, is fine because it is your freedom. But to the point where it borders on verbal abuse? I don't know.


You say I'm self-absorbed and pretentious.

Am I supposed to talk about someone else's future when you questioned about mine? When did talking about myself when asked become a sin?


I'm tired of the same accusations, the same words.

I'm tired of the little images of what my success should be in your heads.

I'm tired of having to deal with it just because of how I think it's out of kindness you said the things you said, how guilty it makes me to be unable to follow your words which do not apply because you do not know my situations.


I cannot be one and a thousand at the same time and please every single one of you, each with an individual opinion.

I too want to lead my life down the path of choices I make.
No matter how your support has propelled me to where I am today, I still want to live my own life.

Is that wrong?

Why is even that being taken away from me?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

       
Haven't really been blogging much because there'd been too much going on.

Partially also because the internet at home is down.

Well, we called SingNet to get it looked at, dude said the modem probably died, so we could either buy a new one from him or recontract and get a new one for free. Since newer plans are generally cheaper and better for these things, I told mum to get it recontracted.

Could have done it over the web or phone, but the modem would only get delivered a couple days later. Wanting to have it asap, we went down to Singtel Comcenter... and after everything's done, they told us they didn't have one in stock. They'd deliver it only on the 29th. Like, what!??!?!!

It was pretty annoying having to drag myself out of the house early every morning since then just for Wireless@SG to settle all the emails. What horrible timing for the net to be down. Booo.

So I whipped out the PS2 that'd been collecting dust for the past 8 months and played Taiko no Tatsujin to pass time.

And eventually I finished the last 2 chapters of Dirge of Cerberus too. (Wow, like, after 1.5yrs haha) I really wanted to play Sengoku Basara, but everytime I have this urge, the disc just disappears from sight. EVERY TIME.


Anyway, I later found out we actually have a Mobile Broadband so I can get online with that now. Yay.


Last couple weeks had been packed with work, work and more work. Someone above probably figured that I'd been slacking too much in the beginning of the year and it's time to pick up my pace again.

And oh oh. I got to shoot an Ariel Atom.

Isn't it soooo cool. I'm like one step closer to becoming a racer in Cyber Formula. Hahaha. It was really my childhood aspiration (though short-lived) before Gundam Wing overtook it all~

But really, I do wish I'd get the full experience of it on the tracks one day. :3


Last week saw the biggest devMeet in Singapore in a very long time. Spyed and Heidi from the HQ both came down to Singapore. I think we had some 160 people for the turnout.

from =rh89

from =Timothy-Sim (Pardon the distortion on my face? Haha)

Got to talk with passionate students, aspiring illustrators, photographers, and even some who were my juniors from RGS. It was really pretty awesome, people were a lot more enthusiastic than I expected. And much kinder than people I see at most events.

I may be able to make it for one or two of the devMeets in Europe if they don't clash with my schedules. Well, I can be hopeful.


As for myself I am definitely holding one in Paris on the 6th of June, Saturday late morning (11am). Just in the process of deciding on a location now~ Most probably at Six-Huit. Will update with more details later. :D


Hmmm and looking back I realize I have a chunkload of photos I forgot to upload from Tokyo. I'm looking at them because I may be heading back there. (Again~!)

Please allow me to make a quick entry of the trip later on. :P


I bought too many books during the recent 20% sale at Kinokuniya.

I finished Demian by Hermann Hesse somewhere along the way. Enjoyed it.

This whole exploration about Gnosticism recently really shed new light to the mangas I'd adored so much over these years. Aside from Hagio Moto's (which I just discovered recently, but can't seem to find more of), the story of the demiurge really was what I think Omae ga Sekai o Kowashitai Nara (by Fujiwara Kaoru) was based upon.

I'd re-read the title 4 times, it's only now I have a new understanding of the final chapters... that which I once felt were sort of disappointing -- the child that was created by higher beings, who had the power to create by himself, made the imperfect destiny that ran in a never-ending loop for our protagonists. Why? What's this about?

Every single review I'd read practically said the same thing and shared the same sentiments about the ending. But now, I finally understand...~

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

       

Summer Crush





Summer Crush
Harper's Bazaar Singapore, Jun 09

Styling: Alli Sim
Photography: Zhang Jingna
Hair/make-up: Andrea Claire
Manicure: Shireen Mohd
Model: Kika-Rose/Mannequin
Photography assistant: Charles Lim
Styling assistant: Seah Zhiqiang

Been a while since I posted editorials, I think? It's so much brighter than my usual stuff I know, welcome summer fashion and beauty. XD

Have also got a 5-page feature/interview in Photo Digital magazine, it's Turkish though so I haven't really decided whether to scan it. ^^;

Saturday, May 16, 2009

       

Why's it so hard to understand?

I never really speak about this because I generally hate being rude. But seriously, just like what I hope is normal for everyone else, I don't enjoy being insulted and bitched at gratuitously. I'd would probably have worded the contents of this entry in a more calming manner if not for the ranting mood I'm left in, but here goes.

1. Asking questions with answers plastered readily all over the internet, is absolutely, abjectly, impolite as hell. Learn some consideration for strangers. (Yes, you are a stranger to me, and I don't owe you anything.) Honestly, does my name spell Internet Photography Helpdesk?

2. I reply to messages when I feel like it, when I actually have the time at all. I can't respond to every single mail, comment, alert, pm, note or interview, for every minute I spend trying is a minute I spend not creating my art. Maybe you don't care about that, but hey, it's my life, and I do want to do what I love to do.

3. You have no right to demand my time or attention just as I have none to demand yours. Guilt-tripping me as someone who doesn't care about others or has no feelings isn't going to work, get over your attention-seeking/self-centered self.

I am a living, breathing, imperfect human being. And I too, have feelings.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

       
Of all the things that went on in Tokyo... What I remember most of is a sudden desire to buy my own place.

It's so completely random I know, haha.

I mean, it's nothing I haven't dreamt of before. But I guess it's suddenly strange now, because unlike the time when I was a child, it's become more realistic and achievable.

It's like, suddenly, the world is smaller; yet back then, a tiny room used to be gigantic and intimidating.


A series of events unfolded, managing to somehow squeeze and condense themselves all into a few days.

And so, for the first time, I found myself musing over the wonders of fate. (But no, unfortunately, it's not about a melodramatic chance meeting with a gorgeous guy, or my desired harem of bishies and Williams...)


Received an unexpected email on my birthday.

This time I didn't cry, for I now understand that the 'one day' we speak of is no longer impossible.

So stay the cheerful you that you have always been. When that one day comes, I hope I'll be able to hear you sing again.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

       

21.

I didn't get to think much about the days of being 20 till a few days ago (and only for a bit at that).

I thought over 2008 during the new year, but still, I think it's slightly different from a birthday.


So in the last 12 months:

- I had my solo exhibition and photobook done
- Learnt how to play Texas Hold'em just so I could have a chance to challenge Lee Sedol
- Went to Paris twice
- Covered the Ing Cup Semi-Finals in Bangkok (and didn't get to challenge Lee Sedol afterall) and Ing Cup Finals round 1-3 in Singapore
- Saw snow in Beijing, for the first time in many, many years
- Saw the go set used in the movie The Go Master, and also a set of extremely beautiful go-ke, designed personally by Honinbo Shuei
- Visited hide's grave

For the last day of being 20, I attended the after party of X Japan's concert, I met people. Something I could only dream of when I was a child.


I didn't have to see the people who caused us pain for a whole year, (man, my good karma points are finally coming through, haha) hopefully it stays that way.


It's the first year of me truly earning for myself, felt like I'd finally started to cross the line into adulthood in this aspect... And whilst a million and one concerns about what would happen in the future are making themselves prominent, I still believe, and tell myself that,

自己所选择的
自己所向往的
我会坚定不移地相信着
我会用双手抓紧自己的未来
决不放弃

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